Drive till your right foot bleeds ...

The average American drives slightly fewer than 14,000 miles each year, or about 1,100 miles a month. Per day? Comes to 38 miles. Grocery runs. Mandatory trips to The Beanery for a cup of Irish Breakfast tea (with a dash of half-n-half (and some raw sugar (I do drink green tea straight, and some black teas without adornment (like Epicurean Spice), but this is normally my mid-day snack and I need the calories, especially if I've been biking to work (which would mean I didn't drive, and so it doesn't count toward my daily vehicle mileage (and I think that was what I wanted to talk about ... driving, I mean, rather than tea))))).

Always close your parentheses.

Right. Driving. 38 miles a day, 1,100 miles a month. When we camp at Loeb State Park, that's about a 300 mile day. On our recent trip to San Francisco, more like 600 miles, with substantial break in the middle of the day. The wife and daughter were pretty done being in the car by the end of THAT drive. One more game of 20 Questions and I will break out the nunchuks.

But that's them weenie womenfolk. My only mutant power, aside from the ability to spot free change sitting in the coin return of a newspaper stand at 50 paces, is ... driving.

On a recent road trip to Texas, I had just two days to make the drive, one day to do my bidness, and two days to drive back. One way mileage (northern route, through Denver): 2,300. Divide that in two. 1,150 a day. On the way back, to avoid wind and ice, I took the southern route (through LA). Mileage: 2,400 ... 1,200 miles a day. Total week's mileage: 4,800 and change. Map.

Alone? Yes. Vehicle? Ford F350 SuperDuty, towing a flatbed trailer. Driving time per day? About 20 hours. Kidding? No. I have been asked, "Why would you do such a thing?" and "Why did you go alone?" These questions I refuse to answer so we can move on to the interesting question: "How could you drive so much day after day?" The answer does not involve a catheter. So, my unpatented long distance driving tips:

Start early. I don't mean "Ahh ... it's 6 a.m. and time to eat a Pop Tart (TM)" early. I mean early. 2-3 a.m. 4 a.m. at the latest. Time driving before dawn doesn't count toward your total. Honest. Traffic is lighter, and after a carb-o-licious breakfast (orange juice and bagels on the road in my case), the miles fly by.

Eat and drink with care. You need to be energized, but you're not burning many calories. You may need a little caffeine shock in mid morning and early afternoon, but don't drown yourself in a bathtub-sized Mt Dew or fourteen cups of coffee. That will just cost you driving time for pit stops. Unless you have the home catheter kit or a NASA diaper. I found orange juice, bottles of green tea, and small amounts of sugar-caffeine-carbonated lifejuice were more than enough. Lunch: generally not, but snacked on dried fruit and nuts-n-chocolate trail mix and hard cheese. Dinner: turkey lunch meat, cheese and an apple.

Stop only for gas, and stay close to the road. Fortunately, the F350 only goes 38 feet on a gallon of gas, so I was stopping every 275 miles to fill up. I used a gas station finder to pick stations on the correct side of the road (if you're southbound, you pull off on the west side of the road, and so want a west-side fueling station), close to the freeway interchange, and with showers for the last stop of the day. This can save 5-10 minutes per stop, so it adds up.

Stay frosty. Even over the Rockies, where it was still freezing, I didn't run the heater. I warmed things up in the morning, but after an hour of driving, backed off and left the temp about 58 deg F.

Focus your attention. But not always on the road. Staring at the road could push you into a fugue state, allowing you to transcend space and time and glimpse the nether reaches that leak through to our reality only during dreamtime. But then you'll crash and die. I mean, keep your mind active. I loaded audio books on my iPod (Terry Pratchett's Monstrous Regiment, some stuff on the Supreme Court, one on Al Qaeda, and some other stuff), tuned in to local news, and brought music I hadn't heard before. Anything to keep my mind engaged. While I had to stay on top of traffic and road conditions, I divided my attention to soak in the scenery. This was really rapid cycling: 10 seconds looking forward, 2-3 seconds on each mirror, 2-3 seconds out each side to look at the view. This is why people generally bring a co-pilot: to talk and stay engaged. But if you possess a few borderline antisocial tendencies, co-pilots are unnecessary anyway.

Don't pick up hitchhikers.